Thank
God for Larry Clayton
Thoughts
from his friend, Judith Larsen
We
Meet……and Meet Again
It
happened naturally. In the old Environmental Protection Agency
building in Washington D.C. I walked down from my 4th
floor office to the newly-established Document Room, probably to look
up the legislative history of a law I was working on. Larry, founder
and organizer of the Document Room gave me a friendly greeting and
explained how to identify and retrieve the documents. He had the
most amiable “down home” manner – casual, approachable and
deeply Southern. What was that accent? Louisiana, though I wouldn’t
have been able to place it at the time.
That
first conversation must have been lengthy, trusting and fun (it was
easy to make fun of the bureaucracy) because a week or two later
Larry came looking for me in my upstairs office. He had a problem
and his intuition led him to think I might suggest ways to solve it.
When he had put in a request for a secretary the personnel office
sent to him a young woman who proved to be difficult: as I remember
she was belligerent, wouldn’t take directions, and disappeared for
long periods of time. Larry looked at her personnel records and
discovered that she had come from my office. Remembering our
friendly initial conversation he decided to see if I could recommend
strategies for working with her. I was delighted to see Larry again.
We joked about the bureaucracy’s personnel-roulette, and I
probably recommended that he pass her on down the line, as in the
game of Hot Potato.
Third
sighting: I moved to San Francisco for a year to work in the regional
EPA legal office and lost sight of Larry, who in the meantime had
left EPA. But when you are meant to engage, angels manage it easily.
When I returned to my Virginia home and to work again at EPA
headquarters, I also reconnected with my home Quaker meeting, Langely
Hill Friends. I was startled to see a familiar face among the silent
worshippers in the dear, quiet room – Larry, accompanied by a
silver-haired, small woman with a thoughtful expression: Ellie, his
wife and soon to become my good friend. After worship we greeted
each other happily, and thus continued our friendly relationship.
Our
Deepening Friendship
Larry
became my spiritual brother. The feeling of family came partly
because we shared some characteristics: we were intuition-led
explorers. I trusted Larry completely, and from the beginning there
was no pretense between us. Whenever we came together we immediately
moved to the spiritual heart of whatever idea was under discussion.
More often than not Ellie and my husband Paul joined our lively
conversations. Ellie could always offer a thoughtful factual,
scientific perspective. To an outsider we might have sounded like
debaters, so emotional and emphatic was our back-and-forth.
Larry’s
mind was brilliant and penetrating. He had honed his intellect at
his beloved Duke University, and in seminary, but also continually
throughout his life. I never heard him claim ownership of ideas.
Rather he accepted ideas as God-given, streaming toward him. Larry’s
task was to discern how to use the ideas .
As
a young man, Larry had a thrilling vision of Jesus in answer to a
prayerful request for spiritual direction. The vision led him to
enter seminary and accept pastoral assignment from the Methodist
Church. As it turned out, Larry’s faithfulness to his spiritual
calling led him first to assignment as a church preacher in several
Southern parishes, but ultimately to other tasks. His was not a
standard pastoral journey. He felt called to serve as a probation
officer and develop a ministry for alcoholic miscreants in
Winston-Salem,
North Carolina. Then his heart was opened even wider by the Church
of the Savior in Washington D.C. which offered ministry to the poor.
That struck Larry as close to Jesus’ vision.
By
loving and sacrificial agreement Ellie and Larry arranged that their
sons would finish the school year in Winston-Salem
before moving the family to D.C. So for the good part of a year
Ellie was the parent-in-residence for their boys while Larry labored
in the vineyards in D.C. Ellie was finally able to join Larry at the
Church of the Savior. Their unit of the church, whose members lived
and worked together, took on a task to build and renovate homes for
the poor, and provide the resident families certain life-sustaining
services.
When
Church of the Savior ministry turned in a direction that Larry could
not follow, in obedience to his divine calling Larry and Ellie left
the Church. It was through that fraught circumstance that I found
them in the quiet Quaker meeting in Virginia.
Larry
gave unwavering attention to the Spirit calling. He never claimed
insights and resulting actions as personal to him: it was the Spirit
working through him. Although Ellie never said so, I can’t help
but believe that this was hard on his family. When he received a
call, he answered, as when he gave up a vocation as a church pastor
for work with alcoholics, as when he was summoned to D.C. to work
with the poor through the Church of the Savior, and as when he gave
up his membership in the Church of the Savior despite his dear
friendships there because he saw that he must travel a different
road.
Meanwhile,
Larry and Ellie’s three sons – Paul, Mark and Rob – were
passing through high school into adult concerns, and predictable
struggles with their father emerged, always resolved in a loving
manner, but honestly and directly with the accompanying tensions one
would expect. Paul crafted an independent life in North Carolina,
becoming an accountant; Mark studied architecture and is a professor
in Texas, and Rob became a psychologist, practicing in California.
Ellie
was growing in skills as well. She had achieved a Bachelor of
Science with distinction at the time of her marriage. As her sons
moved into the adult world, Ellie was tapped for computer skills by
the Department of Defense.
The
family was thus arranged when I encountered them on my return from
San Francisco.
Gift
of Life
I
had a heart connection to Larry and Ellie, and I trusted them
implicitly. Here is an example of the kindness and counseling I
received from them. I carry a tendency toward depression. While my
husband Paul was in Europe as part of a government delegation to a
conference, I was struck particularly hard with thoughts of suicide.
Knowing Larry was a man of God, I sought his counsel. I particularly
wanted to know if I would be cast into hell if I died by my own hand.
When
I called Larry with an urgent request to meet with him, Ellie and he
were clearing out their home prior to its sale. Larry said “Come
right over.” We three sat on up-ended boxes in a little huddle.
It was hard for me to speak through the pain I felt, but I stumbled
through a description of my state of mind, while Larry and Ellie
listened intently. Then Larry spoke. There was no such thing, in
his view, as God cursing a soul. I should put that concern away.
Larry talked about the gift of life, what a treasure our ordeals are
because of the leaps forward they make possible. He said that I
would not be given greater burdens than I could carry. As my
understanding grew I would come to appreciate and love life.
Ellie
was still during this counsel. We both listened intently. Larry led
us in a prayer for healing. Looking back I remember extreme relief
that I would not be cast into hell for harboring ungracious
intentions. I believed completely in what Larry told me, even though
I am by nature wary, disbelieving and uncertain.
My
heart is filled with gratefulness for Larry’s counsel and for
Ellie’s intense silent support.
Always
Himself
Larry
was at home with himself, never projecting a false image. I wonder
if that is what made him so uncomfortable in the early days when he
was a preacher. He said the people in his parish were just as good
and just as bad as he was. When he would say goodbye to them at the
door of the church after the Sunday sermon, he heard “Preacher, you
really stepped on my toes!” Then, Larry said, they would go home
and eat their chicken dinners and listen to a football game. He came
to feel that as a preacher he was not helping them to grow
spiritually.
An
endearing aspect of Larry and Ellie’s relationship is that he never
asked her to assume duties of a preacher’s wife. While Ellie did
join activities in the parish, she was originally not the committed
Christian that Larry was. Larry never asked her to be anything but
herself. She gradually came to a profound commitment to the sacred,
but that was through encounters with authors and artists,
particularly William Blake. Larry and Ellie shared admiration of
Blake, so much so that both maintained a “Blake blog” which Ellie
still carries on. Larry wrote a book on Blake and e-published it so
that it would be freely available.
Larry’s
natural “down home” manner did not open all doors. A mutual
friend of our who was a graduate of Duke and whose father had been a
professor there, was offended that Larry talked like a country boy.
She felt that Duke graduates should speak the king’s English with
the king’s accent. But Larry was utterly without pretense. It was
this that opened doors with people closer to the street level. Once
when I was emerging from a Wendy’s restaurant after a post-church
tea- and- biscuits break, I found Larry at the cash register having a
heart- to- heart talk with the cashier about the state of her soul.
Larry
could be stern and outspoken. Once when Larry and Ellie visited us
in Virginia I was walking around our neighborhood with them. I love
stories and it was my habit to tell a story about the people in the
houses we were passing, assembling a few facts and adding some
colorful speculation. We had interesting neighbors, for example,
people who worked for the Central Intelligence Agency, the National
Security Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and even
someone who appeared to be in a witness protection program. I was
weaving their stories as we walked along when I became aware that
Larry was tense and angry. Then I understood that for him people’s
lives are not a game. He heard me as mocking my neighbors.
In
his later years Larry was a visiting pastor at a local hospital,
bringing encouragement and sharing prayers with the afflicted. Larry
said he was not just a giver, but equally the receiver in these
visits. That loving practice may have helped to sustain his spirit
when he was in a hospital preparing to die at the age of 90. Ellie
says he was asking friends and family for blessings and forgiveness
as he began his final earthly journey.
A
Whole Man
I
wish I could give an accurate impression of what a unique and
powerful person Larry was. The elements of his character that stand
out for me are that he was soul
directed (that
is, God-directed: in constant conversation with God); unpretentious
in
his daily relationships; astute
and intellectual
in a graceful manner born of genuine curiosity. Now that he has
passed over into paradise I see him clearly. I think he stands out
from most of my friends and family who are in the Beyond because he
was so fully himself, without many cultural add-ons. He never
pretended to be what he was not. He saw that, like those whom he
counseled, he also was a flawed human in need of love and
forgiveness. He was able to open to the Spirit, let it grow in him
and pass it on to reach others.
I
have a powerful, living impression of Larry. He continues to be my
guide, one who leads me through the complexities of the material
life.
Thank
God for Larry Clayton!
