THE SPIRIT OF MY FATHER
Dear Dad,
As you turn ninety, I wanted to write for you about you, especially about the qualities that connect us. These are the qualities that I see in you, that I am proud to see also in myself - your gifts to me. This is my way of thanking you and celebrating those gifts.
As you turn ninety, I wanted to write for you about you, especially about the qualities that connect us. These are the qualities that I see in you, that I am proud to see also in myself - your gifts to me. This is my way of thanking you and celebrating those gifts.
SPIRITUALITY
Spirituality is the foundation, the theme
that runs through your life and binds together my story of
you. I learned from you to to regard the spiritual life as
the true life, the material life as merely the scenery. Your
dedication to Christ, your study of Jung, your obsession
with Blake - all of these model for me the commitment to and
fascination with, the inward journey and your spiritual
path.
I've always admired your courage in moving us all to Washington so that we could be part of the Church of the Savior. You saw that spirituality could be deeper and pervade life more thoroughly - you heard a spiritual call, dropped everything, and followed. You showed me that spiritual impulse takes us where we belong.
I have not followed the same path that you have, but I am not sure they are so different ... both are paths of love, paths of compassion, paths of responsibility. You set my feet on this path many years ago, and I thank you.
I have always felt a profound passion for justice, and I have always traced that passion back to you. You always taught me that Jehovah was the God of the oppressed and that Jesus was the champion of the downtrodden. You taught me that all people are children of God have inherent dignity and worth.
I'll never forget the story of your telling your parishioner about the big black woman who would be singing in the heavenly choir right next to her. It's a funny story, but it was a courageous thing to say, and I bet those courageous stands cost you.
I learned from you to stand up for justice, to stand shoulder to shoulder with my peers for fairness, and most of all to identify with the interest of all who are oppressed. I will be thinking of you when I'm on the picket lines next month.
You taught me to take my spirituality into the world and let it animate a vision of the just society, and I thank you for this wonderful gift.
You taught me, too, that vision and abstract justice are not enough, but that we must personally help those who are struggling. When I was a child, I knew that you walked with men who were struggling to escape addiction, and I was proud. When I was older, you humbled yourself and dedicated your time to housing the poor, and I watched with pride. Even now I see you ministering to the sick.
I see my work as a therapist as a direct continuation of your ministry, beloved Dad. I have a client now whom I see three days each week for no fee, and I often imagine him as a new incarnation of one of your old probationers. He has endured forty years of alcoholism and is wracked by terror, and terrible feelings of aloneness. Yet he also shows profound compassion and beauty of spirit, and writes the most beautiful poems. I dedicate my work with him to you, my father, in loving gratefulness for your compassionate example.
Always, I have see you relating to others, connecting spiritually, building community. I remember the meetings you used to have at our house on Jersey Avenue with Miriam, Bob & Olga, Carla & many others, and I learned that all of these passions aren not mere private introspections of abstract musings and commitments, but experiences to be shared with others. I have seen this again and again in your life as you engaged with others through Gateway, Second Step, coffee hour at the C of S, and you own Quaker gatherings. I see the very personal relationships, too, like the one you have built with Paul and Judith.
I feel a deep kinship with you in this profound valuing of interpersonal connection. My work as a therapist manifests this valuing, as I strive to bring healing through the process of connection, and I have learned from you to strive to deepen connection with those I meet on the path.
THE HERO'S JOURNEY
As long as I have been alive, Dad, I have seen you following your own path. You never made the conventional choice, but always the courageous one, when it was important. Letting spirit be your guide, rather than the values of those surrounding you, has been one of your greatest gifts to me.
Here I return to your decision to follow your calling to move to Washington and become part of the Church of the Savior. I don't think I knew at the time what an unconventional decision that was, but as I grew I began to realize the courage, the commitment and the fierce autonomy from mainstream expectations that decision required.
Your very commitment to spirituality reflects to me this constant choosing of the "road less traveled by." While others might have taken refuge from life's suffering, and the pains of aging, in even more comfort or mild addictions, you have gone for refuge to your old friend William.
As you have faced fearlessly this hero's journey, you have helped build in me my own courage to face that journey. When I faced the dead-end of my career in law and politics, instead of resigning myself to a life of quiet desperation, I followed your example and turned inward to find my true path. When a strange to whom I reached out suggested I get the help of a Jungian, it was like the ringing of a bell deep in my soul - a bell that you planted there. Because of your example, I was able to see that I did not have to follow the conventional path, that I could discard my conventional achievements and position and walk into the wilderness.
Now, having silenced the voices urging me to conventional successes, I have been able to hear the inner voice summoning me to my truer calling. Thank you for showing your son that, in fact one's own path is the only path.
All of these qualities: your profound spirituality; your passion for justice; your identification with the oppressed; your compassionate service to others; your commitment to interpersonal engagement; and your commitment to following your own path; all of these qualities have been passed on to me. I find myself proud to feel that, in many ways, I am carrying on your works.
As we celebrate your 90TH birthday, as you draw ever closer to becoming, in Henry James' term, "all spirit," I hope that you can feel that, in the deepest way possible, I am truly your son, and that it brings you satisfaction and pleasure. I know that it brings me profound comfort, pride and delight to feel that I am, in the deepest way possible, your son and that you are, in the deepest way possible truly my father.
Robert Edwin Clayton, Psy.D.
15 March 2016
I've always admired your courage in moving us all to Washington so that we could be part of the Church of the Savior. You saw that spirituality could be deeper and pervade life more thoroughly - you heard a spiritual call, dropped everything, and followed. You showed me that spiritual impulse takes us where we belong.
I have not followed the same path that you have, but I am not sure they are so different ... both are paths of love, paths of compassion, paths of responsibility. You set my feet on this path many years ago, and I thank you.
JUSTICE
I have always felt a profound passion for justice, and I have always traced that passion back to you. You always taught me that Jehovah was the God of the oppressed and that Jesus was the champion of the downtrodden. You taught me that all people are children of God have inherent dignity and worth.
I'll never forget the story of your telling your parishioner about the big black woman who would be singing in the heavenly choir right next to her. It's a funny story, but it was a courageous thing to say, and I bet those courageous stands cost you.
I learned from you to stand up for justice, to stand shoulder to shoulder with my peers for fairness, and most of all to identify with the interest of all who are oppressed. I will be thinking of you when I'm on the picket lines next month.
You taught me to take my spirituality into the world and let it animate a vision of the just society, and I thank you for this wonderful gift.
COMPASSIONATE ACTION
You taught me, too, that vision and abstract justice are not enough, but that we must personally help those who are struggling. When I was a child, I knew that you walked with men who were struggling to escape addiction, and I was proud. When I was older, you humbled yourself and dedicated your time to housing the poor, and I watched with pride. Even now I see you ministering to the sick.
I see my work as a therapist as a direct continuation of your ministry, beloved Dad. I have a client now whom I see three days each week for no fee, and I often imagine him as a new incarnation of one of your old probationers. He has endured forty years of alcoholism and is wracked by terror, and terrible feelings of aloneness. Yet he also shows profound compassion and beauty of spirit, and writes the most beautiful poems. I dedicate my work with him to you, my father, in loving gratefulness for your compassionate example.
PERSONAL CONNECTION
Always, I have see you relating to others, connecting spiritually, building community. I remember the meetings you used to have at our house on Jersey Avenue with Miriam, Bob & Olga, Carla & many others, and I learned that all of these passions aren not mere private introspections of abstract musings and commitments, but experiences to be shared with others. I have seen this again and again in your life as you engaged with others through Gateway, Second Step, coffee hour at the C of S, and you own Quaker gatherings. I see the very personal relationships, too, like the one you have built with Paul and Judith.
I feel a deep kinship with you in this profound valuing of interpersonal connection. My work as a therapist manifests this valuing, as I strive to bring healing through the process of connection, and I have learned from you to strive to deepen connection with those I meet on the path.
THE HERO'S JOURNEY
As long as I have been alive, Dad, I have seen you following your own path. You never made the conventional choice, but always the courageous one, when it was important. Letting spirit be your guide, rather than the values of those surrounding you, has been one of your greatest gifts to me.
Here I return to your decision to follow your calling to move to Washington and become part of the Church of the Savior. I don't think I knew at the time what an unconventional decision that was, but as I grew I began to realize the courage, the commitment and the fierce autonomy from mainstream expectations that decision required.
Your very commitment to spirituality reflects to me this constant choosing of the "road less traveled by." While others might have taken refuge from life's suffering, and the pains of aging, in even more comfort or mild addictions, you have gone for refuge to your old friend William.
As you have faced fearlessly this hero's journey, you have helped build in me my own courage to face that journey. When I faced the dead-end of my career in law and politics, instead of resigning myself to a life of quiet desperation, I followed your example and turned inward to find my true path. When a strange to whom I reached out suggested I get the help of a Jungian, it was like the ringing of a bell deep in my soul - a bell that you planted there. Because of your example, I was able to see that I did not have to follow the conventional path, that I could discard my conventional achievements and position and walk into the wilderness.
Now, having silenced the voices urging me to conventional successes, I have been able to hear the inner voice summoning me to my truer calling. Thank you for showing your son that, in fact one's own path is the only path.
YOUR SPIRIT IN ME
All of these qualities: your profound spirituality; your passion for justice; your identification with the oppressed; your compassionate service to others; your commitment to interpersonal engagement; and your commitment to following your own path; all of these qualities have been passed on to me. I find myself proud to feel that, in many ways, I am carrying on your works.
As we celebrate your 90TH birthday, as you draw ever closer to becoming, in Henry James' term, "all spirit," I hope that you can feel that, in the deepest way possible, I am truly your son, and that it brings you satisfaction and pleasure. I know that it brings me profound comfort, pride and delight to feel that I am, in the deepest way possible, your son and that you are, in the deepest way possible truly my father.
Robert Edwin Clayton, Psy.D.
15 March 2016
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