FREEDOM 2

Old Friends

January 21, 1991

Joe and Jenny visited us last week. Joe seems perplexed with his new life situation (retirement), seeking new directions. I introduced him to the computer and wished that I could introduce him to a new stage of life. He took Memories, Dreams, and Reflections. I hope that will be of some help to him.

Dear Joe,
It seems to me that you are embarking on an exciting new phase of your spiritual journey. You have always been a person willing to let the old die so that the new can be born. Maybe you are at the point of the biggest death and resurrection of your whole life. Your religion has been a blessing to you, to me, to many others through the years. You had the faith to follow the light in the face of contrary conventional wisdom and to do it without bitterness. This was a great gift to many of us. I too often took refuge in cynicism and self righteous condemnation. You have been able to affirm so many of us where we were without trying to change us or make us over. Another great gift.

I suppose this is a fragment of a letter I started to Joe, but likely never developed any further. 

 

January 26, 1992

Back in Ocala a year later. Writing these "memoirs" is reserved for our month in Ocala. I can't remember if I saw Joe last year, though I wrote a couple of times. I think he resists some of my counsel. Maybe he's not ready yet to be an old man.

1992:

Last year was wonderful: all the children prospered, and we had a chance to watch a beautiful community come into being in Greenville. Certainly one of my most satisfying years. I decided once again that my (maybe our) primary gift is convening community. Betsy Groomes named and affirmed that gift in us years ago. I told the people at Greenville that I was called to be an apostle. They were perplexed, but that's theological language for starting churches. We bought a house in Clemson, and Ellie looks forward to starting a group there at some point in the future.

Paul, Judith, Larry, Heidi

Another great event for me recently was to give a copy of Ouspensky's book, The Fourth Way to Judith Larsen. Next to the Quaker Meetings, Judith has been our primary ministry for the past several years. We sometimes wonder if she isn't the primary minister; her gifts are so many and so extravagant. But since 1983 she has looked to us for spiritual guidance. I suppose that like us she finds true spiritual intimacy a rare and priceless gift. She has taken up from us Till We Have Faces, Memories, Dreams and Reflections, The New Man, and now The Fourth Way. It is a great affirmation for someone to follow literary recommendations if nothing else, but the quality of our relationship is much deeper and more valuable than that.

In addition Paul had another special gift the last time they came through Salem; he showed me how to split those monstrous oak logs and reassured me that they will be much easier when they dry. He calls them 'fresh' now.

For a full year I worked with The Fourth Way. I read it critically, by no means accepted everything, but found great value in a lot of it. O. inspired me to cultivate the silence assiduously and reach a plateau of deep interest in a higher level of consciousness. I believe it is available to us if we diligently seek and work for it. I see biblical parallels in most of his ideas and truths. For example, "he who would come to God must believe that he is and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him." O. was apparently not familiar with the Christian scriptures, at least not sufficiently to see the transparent analogies to his "system" as I see them. I see his work in fact primarily in terms of commentaries on the scriptures.

Nicoll was probably closer to that perspective than O was. Nicoll in fact wrote several large volumes of commentaries. Someday I may be privileged to study them, too.

In 1993 we were up at McLean, visiting the Larsens. I had been reading Dickens, and got enthusiastic about the way he had apparently tried to raise the social consciousness of his readers (and probably succeeded). Judith turned me on to Trollope. She said that she and Paul alternated Dickens with Trollope. They gave me one--Phineas Finn, I believe. I was hooked. For the next several months reading Trollope became a major pastime.

What a contrast to Dickens. It was fun studying the man's life and following the development of his thought. (Later I found that our Paul is a Trollope fan, and in fact considered Trollope a greater writer than Dickens. More on this later.)

 

Birth of a New Quaker Meeting

We sometimes went to special meetings in Asheville; they had regional meetings occasionally with Friends from a wide area. I think it was in the Fall of 1990 that we spent a couple of days at Asheville; this may have been what they called "Pendle Hill on the Road". It was at this meeting that I made my famous statement that I was not committed to the Methodist Church, but to some Methodists, nor to the Society of Friends, but to some Friends. This was after Dot Burris, assigned to meet me and report on me to the group, had expressed perplexity that I was a Methodist minister at the Quaker meeting. When I made the statement several Brevard Friends felt it necessary to interpret my remarks to the rest, and one dear old Friend, from Celo (was it?) rebutted my statement, feeling threatened by it. Ironically his wife was an ex-Methodist professional religionist.

The more significant thing that happened at that event was meeting Ben Cameron. I soon placed him as a stranger, which drew me to him. We immediately discovered we were fellow natives of the deep south; Ben was raised at Meridian; his father was a federal judge in Mississippi. We obviously had a lot in common and had an extended conversation. Ellie and I met his wife, Carolee, much younger than Ben, and a graduate of Duke.

That meeting was sometime around November. About the end of the year we had occasion to visit Greenville, and Ellie suggested that we get in touch with Ben and talk with him about the possibility of a meeting in Greenville. We arranged to have lunch with him at Morrison's. (Ben, about 70 at that time, but seeming older, was a man of leisure like me, while his wife, in her 50's, had pretty compulsive career interests.) The Camerons had been active in the Charleston meeting. Hurricane Hugo had demolished their home, and they had moved to Greenville to get away from such unpleasantness.

In the course of this lunch we challenged Ben to start a meeting in Greenville. This was a week or two before our customary departure for Ocala. We left on schedule, and when we returned a month later, we found that Ben had actually started a meeting. The charter members included the Reids and Camerons, and I included the Claytons because of the peculiar contribution which we had made.

The meeting took place in the Cameron's living room, and it took off like a house afire. Within six months we had held a meeting with over 30 people. The Camerons were getting nervous about bursting the bounds of their house, so we made arrangements to move the meeting place to the Third Presbyterian Church, an old church downtown that had definitely seen better days.

Unfortunately the new location did not seem to contribute to the growth of the meeting, and conditions proved far from satisfactory. Within a year we were back in the Cameron's living room. And we began to grow again. Later we moved to a (much newer) Christian Church a couple of blocks from the Cameron's house. The Reids had brought that move about; they were active in the Christian Church as well as the Friends' Meeting. (The Friends met on Sunday evenings, which made it possible for Ellie and me to attend it without interrupting our relationship to the Brevard Meeting.

The group rocked along for a couple of years. Sally Reid had strong Christian convictions and urged me to begin a Bible study. So in 1992 we began meeting at the Reids' home every third Wednesday night. This became pretty much the spiritual as well as social center of the meeting. Meanwhile the meeting for worship did not prosper, and I personally felt that little was happening. It appears that people are less likely to visit a group meeting in a church, that is to say the kinds of people who might be or become interested in Quakerism.

The Reids, a young couple a few years older than our children, became close friends. Sally was disturbed by an attender who had strong negative feelings toward Christian thought forms; she eventually joined the Christian church and pretty much ceased any Quaker activity except the Bible study, which met in her home. For one reason or another we eventually stopped meeting in the Reids' home, Joe joined the Christian church and we had lost two of the founding members. We remained friendly with the Reids, playing tennis with Joe and some of his friends on most Saturdays for the next couple of years.

In the fall of 1993 the Greenville meeting hosted a regional Quaker meeting at Paris Mountain State Park (described in more detail in Ellie's communal letter of 1993). It was a great success, but strangely it seemed to take all the vitality of the group. Many of the folks who worked to make it happen more or less lost their commitment to the meeting shortly thereafter. Such is life.

By the end of 1995 the meeting had moved back to the Cameron's house. It had dwindled down to 3 regular couples plus Laura Townsend, a lovely old lady, practically a birthright Quaker. (Laura married a man from Greenville and had worshipped in Baptist churches for the past 40 years while remaining a Quaker at heart.)

The other couple was the elder Shallcrosses. Dr. David Shallcross, his wife, Vickie, and their three children had attended the meeting for a while during the first year. However the children's program did not seem to them suitable, and they eventually made other arrangements. Meanwhile David's parents, Betsy and Lew, moved down here from Pennsylvania. They were Presbyterians, but not too satisfied. They started coming to the Bible study and eventually became core members of the Quaker meeting (officially attenders!).

Ellie and I often thought of simply giving up on the Greenville meeting, and no doubt would have by 1995 except for the Shallcrosses. We could not walk out on them. But still in the back of our minds was the idea of starting a meeting at Clemson, which would for us at least take the place of the Greenville meeting.

Ocala

Florida always intrigued me and attracted me as a place to live. We had gone around Florida in a pup tent on our honeymoon and occasionally gone back during the winter. Then when Rob chose New College (see Sixth Day), we found ourselves going down at least once a year. We usually camped on all of our journeys, and we also played tennis whenever and wherever we could. In 1988 we passed through Ocala and found the public courts. A whole crowd of old people were playing there; a woman came over and chatted with us; she informed us that these old people played together every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning. Most interesting! We thought we might like to try the group at some future time.

In 1990 we went down there for a month. The old folks tennis program was terrific: we got to play with someone every morning, got acquainted with them and enjoyed it tremendously. Thereafter we went down every January. The second year we invited Phil Warner to come down with us, and we rented a two bedroom apartment (we took a beating financially with that venture!). It was pleasant. We attended the Ocala Friends Worship Group. George Newkirk had a house in mind to buy for a Friends Meeting house. He took us to see it that February; Ellie advised him not to buy it, but he did buy it, spent lots of time and money on it, and invited us to use it for a month in 1992.

Then, wonder of wonders, we came down here to Ocala, engaged George Newkirk's house, which he had prepared as a Quaker Meeting Place, and took part in the first meeting of the newly convened Ocala Worship Group. Actually it wasn't quite as new as it sounds; probably well over half of the 14 of us there had previously attended Quaker meeting in Ocala. Georgia brought a contingent of younger women, who presumably had had serious differences with George in years past.

Ellie and I didn't know the undercurrents of these relationships, but we observed that the group, after the hour of worship, sort of divided into two subgroups: the younger women took their place at the table, and the older mixed group stood around and fraternized. 14 is really too many strangers to meld into a single group under those circumstances. I still felt some elation: George bought this house and poured himself into it. It was like an offering, and I felt like God was honoring it as he always does.

The house has two bedroom suites with baths, separated by large common rooms, and behind all this a large additional room just right for a meeting. We spent our month there and gave the meeting $500. We entertained Joel and Austin for two nights and Paul Coggins for one. We didn't know it at the time, but apparently George resented the fact that we had guests in the second bedroom without paying him more money!

February 20, 1992
One day last week I was working on the Fifth Day in the waiting room of the Nissan agency. Two young men blew in; one seemed to be mentally alert, the other was just there. Several people had noticed my computer. This young man asked about it. We had a bit of conversation. He asked what I was doing..writing my memoirs..how many paragraphs?..about 394 kb. He was impressed. Where was I from?.. SC..a country man?..yes, 10 miles from the Blue Ridge; we do a lot of backpacking. They blew out. It was refreshing to find a young person with a gift for relating to oldtimers like me and so much natural curiosity.

We went to the agency the next year too and both times it was a pleasant experience. The employees were pleasant and seemed to feel positively toward us. In fact this trip (1992) that was almost a universal experience. Our tennis companions seemed to like us and enjoy our company. We even had a little time with them off the court.

We watched the latest incarnation of the Ocala Monthly Meeting, got acquainted with a lot of people: I gave three messages and Ellie spoke on the last Sunday. We tried to counsel George, who doesn't seem to me to have much capability for or grasp of interpersonal dynamics and spiritual leadership. We worry that the meeting may not ever come into being because George has such an attenuated vision of what a meeting is and obviously means to make all the decisions, call all the shots, control things completely. In his mind he probably felt compelled to do this, but it seems self defeating. Many open and hungry and needy younger people there, but will anyone be able to give any real leadership? We worry.

In 1993 George had old friends in the meeting house for 3 months. They were only using one bedroom, and we assumed that George might be interested in allowing us to use the other one--for a fee of course. However he said that his friends would not be happy with that arrangement, so we found a one bedroom apartment at a nearby development called Cedarwood for about the same money. We enjoyed the time as always.

It turned out that in 1994 the meeting house was again empty, and we engaged it for $500, but things didn't exactly work out. Ellie had made arrangements for Phil Warner and John Mohr to stay with us for two weeks. We anticipated that our fee gave us the freedom to do that. But it turned out that was not the case. In discussing the matter George became paranoid about the thing and asked us to leave (he returned our money to us after we had been there for two weeks). It was a painful scene--I'm afraid more painful to him than to us; for us the whole thing represented a significant financial saving. I might have declined half the refund except that he was so severe in his criticism of us.

The weather was quite cold at that time, and we decided to make our southern swing around St. Pete and Fort Myers. I never saw Ellie so extravagant about motel fees; I got the impression that she wanted to spend George's money immediately. To me it was just like any other money; at any rate we spent four nights in motels and arrived back in Ocala the following Thursday morning, as the weather was moderating.

One day last week I was working on the Fifth Day in the waiting room of the Nissan agency. Two young men blew in; one seemed to be mentally alert, the other was just there. Several people had noticed my computer. This young man asked about it. We had a bit of conversation. He asked what I was doing..writing my memoirs..how many paragraphs?..about 394 kb. He was impressed. Where was I from?.. SC..a country man?..yes, 10 miles from the Blue Ridge; we do a lot of backpacking. They blew out. It was refreshing to find a young person with a gift for relating to oldtimers like me and so much natural curiosity.

We went to the agency the next year too and both times it was a pleasant experience. The employees were pleasant and seemed to feel positively toward us. In fact this trip (1992) that was almost a universal experience. Our tennis companions seemed to like us and enjoy our company. We even had a little time with them off the court.

We watched the latest incarnation of the Ocala Monthly Meeting, got acquainted with a lot of people: I gave three messages and Ellie spoke on the last Sunday. We tried to counsel George, who doesn't seem to me to have much capability for or grasp of interpersonal dynamics and spiritual leadership. We worry that the meeting may not ever come into being because George has such an attenuated vision of what a meeting is and obviously means to make all the decisions, call all the shots, control things completely. In his mind he probably felt compelled to do this, but it seems self defeating. Many open and hungry and needy younger people there, but will anyone be able to give any real leadership? We worry.

In 1993 George had old friends in the meeting house for 3 months. They were only using one bedroom, and we assumed that George might be interested in allowing us to use the other one--for a fee of course. However he said that his friends would not be happy with that arrangement, so we found a one bedroom apartment at a nearby development called Cedarwood for about the same money. We enjoyed the time as always.

It turned out that in 1994 the meetinghouse was again empty, and we engaged it for $500, but things didn't exactly work out. Ellie had made arrangements for Phil Warner and John Mohr to stay with us for two weeks. We anticipated that our fee gave us the freedom to do that. But it turned out that was not the case. In discussing the matter George became paranoid about the thing and asked us to leave (he returned our money to us after we had been there for two weeks). It was a painful scene--I'm afraid more painful to him than to us; for us the whole thing represented a significant financial saving. I might have declined half the refund except that he was so severe in his criticism of us.

The weather was quite cold at that time, and we decided to make our southern swing around St. Pete and Fort Myers. I never saw Ellie so extravagant about motel fees; I got the impression that she wanted to spend George's money immediately. To me it was just like any other money; at any rate we spent four nights in motels and arrived back in Ocala the following Thursday morning, as the weather was moderating.

In 1994 we enjoyed the tennis - at least as much as we ever had before, but I found my asthma considerably more acute than it had been in the past. Starting out in the morning I became quite distressed early on. After a while I was able to go on, but those first few minutes were bad. I got some books from the library and discovered that Exercise Induced Asthma (EIA) is a fairly common ailment among athletes. There were some important points for dealing with the problem - especially warming up slowly. I started doing that and got considerable relief. Nevertheless I determined that I would see a doctor about the problem when we got home.

1994 was certainly the best and most enjoyable Florida vacation we had had up to that point--in spite of two incidents of a dead battery and the awkwardness with George Newkirk. Those were trivial things; the significant positive things were the enjoyment we had in one another, in the tennis, the tennis friends, the Friends, etc. etc. And the nice warm weather!

1995 was the first year we stayed in our own condo. It made a real difference using our own things, feeling the pride of ownership, the general convenience (we were closer to the tennis courts than we had ever been before). We had courts of our own at Bretton Woods and enjoyed a couple of pleasant tennis and breakfast parties with our most intimate tennis buddies.

We had been playing tennis with these people for several years, but in 1995 we became more intimate with some of them, especially John Brown and Walter, the football hero from Connecticut. We also played often with Warner, a 82 years old recent widower. They were all congenial, and we spent time eating with the first two, though Warner never would come around.

John Brown, from Charlotte, had lived in Ocala most of his life. His wife was in the Real Estate, or Property Management business. He was retired, but appeared to be close to a full time volunteer. He got Ellie a place helping a first grade teacher. She spent most of her time with one little boy. This was a big thing for her and made the 1995 trip memorable. I fully expected her to continue that in the years to come, when we came to Ocala.

Meanwhile I played with the computer. I had the internet account at Univ. of Western Illinois, and Linux to keep me involved, and as a consequence I did not touch this document in 1995 (until near the end of the year--in the 1996 season). I had written most of this stuff in Jan and Feb in Ocala, so the project came to a standstill, but got renewed during the 1996 trip.

On the whole the 1995 trip was the best ever. It pretty well confirmed our intention to spend the cold months in Ocala. That has been one of the real pluses of our retirement lives.